How’s YOUR Brexit planning?

Brexit scenario planning

The vitriolic atmosphere surrounding the UKs withdrawal from the EU continues to accelerate with numerous attempts to undermine and even overturn the referendum result, especially from that poison dwarf Speaker Bercow, as well as clamours to alter the franchise and prevent people over 65 years of age from voting forwarded by the despicable Polly Toynbee of The Guardian. But what I find quite laughable, pathetic, and at worst incompetent is the bleating from large corporations that they want more information and that they “aren’t ready for the cliff edge”. Pardon me for a minute while I laugh my socks off at this pack of lies for a minute or two!

Brexit scenario planning

There, that’s better!

I was a director on the main board of three very large companies in the financial services industry across the 1990s, turbulent times as the threat of changing regulatory rules meant massive changes to products being sold, sales process, administration procedures, even liabilities of directors. Quite scary for about 5-6 years, but we floated through it all using a complex but well known technique called …………… Scenario Planning! You know the sort of thing, map out a series of potential likely happenings (scenarios), then expand each scenario in terms of the risk from it happening, the likelihood of it happening, the threats if it did happen, actions to take to mitigate those threats …… sorry if you already know all this but it appears that the CEOs of large UK corporations have never heard of it. Bloody liars! You mean to tell me that since June 2016 none of these numpties have set up whole departments to work this out? Liars or bloody incompetents!

Well, you can’t catch me out so a couple of days ago I consolidated our own Scenario Plans based on the risks we are told are “possible” or even “likely” if you listen to Tony Blair, the BBC, the SNP, Hilary Benn, Dominic Grieve, half the Cabinet, and half of Parliament. Here we go:

Scenario 1: Food shortages

Although unlikely this is a moderate risk in the short term mostly due to bureaucratic elements. We have therefore gone back to our roots so to speak of “The Good Life”, dug up the lawn, ripped out flower beds, purchased a greenhouse and begun seed propagation of vegetables. Living in the countryside we have a plentiful supply of rabbits and pheasants so have bought several packs of snares and applied for a shotgun licence. We have also negotiated a deal with a neighbour who has several chickens with 12 eggs being equivalent to one rabbit or one pheasant. We already bake our own bread and have stocked up with flour as well as several sacks of rice to underpin Dr Cs rabbit curries for about 2 years.

Scenario 2: Planes unable to land

President Micron of France keeps insisting on this despite the air traffic regulations being nothing to do with the EU. Plonker! However from a personal holiday viewpoint we couldn’t give a shit, plenty of lovely places in England to travel to.

Scenario 3: Medicine shortages

Risk high but likelihood minimal. However we have already sent a complete list of our medications needs to Dr Cs brother who is a qualified pharmacist and was the head of the Nepal Drugs Corporation. He has confirmed that everything can be sourced from himself though the problem arises of flying the stuff to us if Microns threat becomes reality of no planes landing. Shipping is a reasonable option though I have yet to work out how to achieve this without massive expense since Nepal is a landlocked country 😂😂 But I know plenty of Sherpa who can facilitate overland porterage.

Scenario 4: Financial implosion of Sterling and stocks

This is high risk and high likelihood mostly because of those bloody bankers who will see opportunities for selling stocks quickly and in high volume to deflate price, then sitting out a period when stocks will rise as UK prosperity outgrows that of Germany, France etc. We have therefore taken steps to liquidate into cash the £1.2 million we have in stocks and bonds, convert that into gold bullion and spread them around 12 separate safety deposit boxes in secure locations. Our reasoning is that stocks will take a bigger medium term hit than sterling but that gold is the safest option. Existing cash in current and savings accounts has been withdrawn and is under the bed!

Scenario 5: A Labour government

This is a high risk but only likely if disenchanted older previous Conservative voters decide some revenge on the younger generation would be sweet! I’m in that camp and have firstly decided to vote Labour in the next general election, the snowflakes can then experience what real devastation from a leftist government led by a numpty Marxist feels like. Personally, once we’ve achieved this we move out to Kathmandu where we have a long lease on a luxury apartment in the Naxal district, plenty of family, and very cheap living where just one of our gold bars should keep us going for a decade. If anyone wants to buy a 6 bedroom house in the Cotswolds please contact us direct.


So, having completed over a weekend what big business has had 3 years to work on, we’re just sitting tight now and enjoying the comedy show. Pass the popcorn dear!


14 thoughts on “How’s YOUR Brexit planning?

  1. Love the way you have been proactive to ensure you survive the inevitable rough patch… And yes, if all fails, there’s Nepal. In my case, I can cross the border and lay low in Belgium or ride out the storm further afield in Vietnam.. My kids (who voted to stay in…) are not impressed, although they have now both suddenly seen the advantage of having two passports…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My post is mostly tongue in cheek in response to the lies being perpetrated by the Remainers. Dr C and I are much more likely to go and live in Nepal if we remain IN the EU as a result of overriding the referendum result. Our daughter will move to America however and prefers us to go with her.

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  2. Just so long as my gold plated, index linked pension credit arrive each month I really don’t give a damn. I am preparing a vegetable plot however and have planted a lot of daffodils because I understand that in a crisis it is possible to eat the bulbs!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Corbyn is anti index linked pensions so good luck with that! I shudder to think if the effects of eating daffodil bulbs, but if you eat the bulbs no daffs next year😂😂

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      1. I am also getting prepared to go back to work to do the jobs of the expelled migrants, I am worried about this because it is cold hard work lifting potatoes and I am cancelling medical insurance because without drugs to treat me it is surely a waste of money. My passport needs renewing next year so I am considering saving the money

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        1. Good idea about the passport and medical insurance but I’m sure I read somewhere that potatoes won’t grow after March 29th?

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        2. I really cannot see a solution to all of this. This totally inept Prime Minister and clueless Tory Government has brought the country to the brink of crisis and still they sit in Cabinet with their blindfolds on.

          I don’t dislike Jeremy Corbyn as much as most , I think he is an effective opposition leader but I wouldn’t want to see him in No. 10 but I fear that this is where we are heading.

          I have ordered some more timber to increase the height of my barricades!

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        3. An effective opposition leader would not be an apparent supporter of IRA, Hesbollah, Bader Meinhof. And an effective opposition leader needs to demonstrate that they are a PM in waiting. I don’t think you’ll need personal barricades Andrew but I WOULD sharpen your pitchfork!

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    1. Thank you Sheree, sorry for delay in responding, I was in the garden erecting the new greenhouse! Thank goodness someone has a sense of humour, you seem to be the only one out of 30+ visitors, I’m holding my breath for a blast from Andrew! I await tomorrow’s shenanigens when apparently there’s a move afoot for a minority to take control of parliament probably with the Poison Dwarf’s assistance. Where’s bloody Cromwell when you need him!

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  3. Well, when you put it like that, doing all that to prepare for Brexit makes so much sense, compared to just blindly bumbling along happily pre-2016.
    I mean, who hasn’t got a pharmacist relation in Kathmandu to send them their drugs? It’s a wonder the Health Dept haven’t sorted that out themselves.
    Never mind, we’ll be happy eh, us vegetable growers must stick together and perhaps make sure we’re armed keep those pesky hungry snowflakes off our land.
    Brexit is so beneficial, I wouldn’t even have bothered with all of this without it.

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