I haven’t written New Year resolutions or annual objectives for about 10 years now, but after hearing a conversation between my wife and a long standing Nepalese friend from our student days, I thought I’d do a Wish List for 2019 instead. Nothing fancy, but prompted by my wife’s friend saying that Britain is nothing like the country he first came to in 1968, and that it’s changed for the worst. I guess my list is a “glass half empty” model, but there’s nothing wrong with that because I truly thought my glass was brim full of optimism, pride, ambition and happiness back in 1968, and anyway it’s MY list!
In 2019 I want:
• My daily mail/post to be delivered BEFORE 3pm, and preferably before 9am.
• My regular deliveries from Amazon and others to be made in a van which is marked with a name or logo on the side instead of a battered unmarked white van with a driver who can’t understand what I’m asking him.
• For Nero’s, Costa, Starbucks et al to start serving proper leaf tea, in a teapot, with a separate jug of hot water and cold milk instead of a bloody teabag dangling in tepid water in a cup. I accompany my wife into these places anyway but take up a seat and still use their WiFi but without buying anything because they don’t cater for the male half of our marriage.
- For the BBC licence fee to be ended …. PLEASE! I’ll gladly give an equivalent amount annually for the homeless.
• To be able to visit our capital city, London, again without fear of being blown up, shot, stabbed, or rammed by a speeding bloody van, white or otherwise.
• For our dear Mayor of London to get off his arse and stop telling us it will take a generation to solve the above problem, because I just haven’t got the time to wait.
• To be able to take a ride on a train without fear of being sprayed with beer, subjected to foul language from the travelling football fans, or “entertained” with somebody else’s phone call. I don’t want to be stabbed whilst waiting at the station either.
• To be able to visit a Western European city at Christmas and stroll around Christmas markets without fear of being stabbed, shot, maimed or blown to bloody smithereens.
• For my daughter to attend music concerts without my wetting myself until she’s home safely and has not been subjected to rape, assault, or otherwise in the name of multiculturalism or diversity.
• For the House of Lords to be closed, abolished, blown up, and all peers relegated back to being a pleb like the rest of us.
• For the UK to have a new Prime Minister, I almost don’t care which colour rosette they wear but get rid of this bloody woman.
• And finally, to sit at home, midnight March 31st, and to raise a glass of English wine and a two fingered salute to those tossers in Brussels, not the lovely Belgian people, but Juncker, Tusk, Verhofsted, …. you all know who I mean!